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Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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