you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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