If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I woke up under a house in Key West
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