he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
