It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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