i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
