there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
