i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
