I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
