giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
