it hurts more in the daytime
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
