NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
