Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She is in my trunk
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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