wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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