I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
