Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize