ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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