we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
