you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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