I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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