I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
