I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
