Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
