ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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