he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
