your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
