The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize