We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
