I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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