yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
