TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
