We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
