The maid of honor just puked.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
