shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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