Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize