Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
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Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
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Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.