I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
