There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh