people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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