All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
