More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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