nut hugger
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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