I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
His nipple licking is glorious
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