i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
