try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I've blown a few things in my day
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
