i think i have two assholes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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