he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize