i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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