Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
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he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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