She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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