do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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