the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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