i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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