It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
