Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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