She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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