honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
