You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
