I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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