fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
