Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
