you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
