At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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