with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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