I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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