Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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