That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
