I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
