the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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