The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
