my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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